I lost $100 last week while Christmas shopping. One hundred dollars of cold, hard cash. There are few things more frustrating than that to me. This got me thinking about failing, fixing failure, and looking for “explanation.”

I’m often under the illusion that I can fix just about anything, but when a Benjamin disappears all I can do is wander around from pocket to nook to cranny trying to find it. The situation cannot be fixed.

Once I accept that I cannot fix something, I usually begin looking for explanation. What happened and who is responsible? In this case the responsible–or irresponsible–party is me. I simply lost track of it between pockets and envelops and transactions.

The explanation rarely satisfies the desire behind the “why” question. Usually when someone makes a mistake and I ask, “Why did you do that?”, there isn’t a good answer. I am probably in search of an apology or an acknowledgement, so the more direct question would be, “How soon will you admit your failure so that my need to see you groveling for forgiveness will be satisfied?”

The better question is “How long will it take me to forgive [myself, you, her, him, them…]?”