When I consider my personal history with Christmas as a holiday, I first remember it like any other kid as a day when gifts of all kinds will come pouring down and fill that space under the Christmas tree. I don’t think that view of things ever changed completely, but as I began to develop my Christian faith as a teenager, I would purposefully try to connect with the more religious aspects of this holiday. This was important for my sense of identity at the time but also because there was no way to feel that strong sense of belonging at Christmas without outwardly affirming the religious aspects of the holiday. I don’t mean to say that I was only under some kind of compulsion. I sincerely believed the things that I said about Christmas and these were the things I had been taught. It just didn’t make any sense to celebrate Christmas without the religious aspects and had I tried, I would’ve been ostracized from a community that gave me some sense of belonging through difficult family times in my younger years.

Fast forward to today when my faith in the tenants of Christianity is nonexistent and now I approach this very Christian holiday, spending time with some very Christian (and good) people, feeling like someone who is visiting a restaurant that I used to enjoy with friends but now I have completely lost my taste for.

For many years, Christmas was drained of all its meaning and significance. I sometimes didn’t understand why I celebrated it at all except as an opportunity to give gifts to my partner and our kids.

Some might suggest that I reapply religious meanings to the holiday in order to give it significance again. But that is no more helpful than telling me that Christmas would be more meaningful if I believe that Santa actually flew a sled above all our homes and dropped presents down our chimney. I can’t believe something I think is untrue simply to apply some façade of meaning to it.

What does an agnostic do with a religious holiday that is so ingrained in our culture? I think the answer to that question is the reverse of the same answer that Christians gave when they took a pagan celebration and applied their own meanings to it. For me, that means celebrating Christmas without a “Christ.” When I write “Xmas”, I’m doing that for a reason. I’m doing it because I think that the core teachings of Christianity are harmful to good mental health. I’m doing it because I don’t believe people are born corrupt and evil until a transcendent God comes along and kills his own son for them. I’m doing it because I would rather replace that message with the value of human connection and love.

I could completely abandon Christmas because of its obvious ties to religious beliefs, but I think to do so would be to miss out on an opportunity to show love and care for those close to me. It also blatantly ignores the fact that this holiday is ingrained in the culture I live in. To act like it doesn’t exist is naïve, at best.

So when presents are being torn open and stockings are being emptied out onto the floor, I can still find and celebrate important connection with this family I love the most. This making of meaning during the holidays has been a gradual evolution but that connection has been a central part of it.

Merry Xmas and happy holidays to you who took the time to read this. What have been your experiences or perspectives on celebrating the holidays if you are no longer a part of a previous religious background?